My Life (& how it can change yours too!)

To others, this topic could be corny, or it could be normal. I wanted to write about this topic for a good reason. This is for the people who think that talking about positivity is corny. For the people who believe that positivity is normal, and are looking for strategies to grow a positive mindset, this one is for you as well.

If you have met me today, you would think of me as a very positive person, who is always optimistic. I know so because in every job that I have worked at, I have always been asked a question related to 'How are you always so happy' or 'How do you always keep a positive attitude', and I'll get to my answer in a minute but, I wasn't always like this.

I want to take you back to who I was in the past

where I was the complete opposite. If I had spoken my thoughts out loud, you would have thought of me as the most negative kid. Sad, Depressed, and Very Very Angry

I had thought the world had dealt me the worst hand

I came from the Philippines where I had lived with my Dad & my Older brother. Where life was good. To me at that time, my dad was my world

He had shown me love for a son as much as a dad in a third-world country could. I remember many memories of him sacrificing his food to give me more because I was hungry. I would remember him running in a crazy monsoon with a flimsy umbrella to the store because I wanted Milo (hot chocolate powder) because it was cold

And so when I realized that when I was not going to see him for a long time when I arrived here in the U.S. back in 2009 when I just turned 7-years old. I was devastated, I cried, and cried for days after that and it would be on and off for a few years

At the same time, when I arrive here I had met my little brother Lance, which I did not know of at the time so with a developing mind that had his world ripped from him at that time, and had just found out that he wasn't the youngest anymore, I started to build up even more anger & resentment for life and I had chosen an outlet at that time which I was not proud of

Growing up until I was about 16-years old, I held those emotions in me, I just kept focusing on why me. Why was I dealt this 'bad' hand, why did I have to be here, and all these questions that made me just even angrier, and depressed to the point that every little thing would upset me, and maybe it was a mix of the hormones growing up but, I noticed that I was more angrier than most kids.

I also have a single Mom who just wanted the best for me and my brothers who she was trying to be both a mother & a father role to all 3 of us kids (my little brother lance, me, & my older brother Angelo) and at the time I did not have the understanding to see that, so growing up with my mom yelling at us for things that she was just worried about, I took it and turned it into the wrong fuel,

The sadness & anger I had built up had reflected in my life, I would do one thing that I still regret to this day, and that I would take it out on my little brother, Lance. Lance was the happy go-lucky kid, he was the one my older brother, and I would call the golden child, the favorite, making no matter who he was around, laugh, and smile. He was the kid who lit up the room no matter what.

Though he was the sunshine kid, I wasn't so I took fact that every time that my family would praise Lance for being a great kid, I would wonder why I wasn't praised (I was a quiet kid, who when I tried to talk sounded awkward due to being bilingual and all these other things.) and I would get jealous of him

Which would turn into more anger I would take into when my little brother and I would do what brothers growing up would do, it would turn itno one way fights where I would always be the one making him cry through punches, pinching, and things of that nature

One day it got so out of control that I made him cry so bad that he ran into his room, locked the doors, and stayed there for a few hours, and it made me even feel bad (at that time I was a bad kid, and it took a lot for me to feel bad.)

A few hours later he was out of the room, he did something that I don't think he remembers to this day but, has changed my life.

He hugged me

Something I wasn't use to, and told me I forgive you Kuya Marco (Kuya; older brother in Tagalog - the main language of the Philippines)

and then he was back to being a happy go lucky kid, making my family smile and laugh

On the other hand, me the bad kid who would beat up on his little brother as an outlet for his anger, cried in my room.

In that moment, my gut had forced me to self-reflect, why was 'I' like this, and how does Lance do it. How does he always keep a positive attitude?

This self-reflection changed my life forever.

Now here comes the Valuable lessons that you can take, without having to go through it your life.

Experience is the best teacher - Julius Caesar

But it doesn't have to be your experience - Brandon Carter (owner of multiple 8-figure businesses)

Here's what was different between me and Lance, and how I was start becoming more of a positive person

The Differences in the story

#1: Don't take anything personally

• Lance - Did not take anything to heart, and if he did he would forget about it later

• Old Me - Took everything to heart, and would hold grudges for the longest time for every little thing that 'seemed' bad, which would have me focused on just the bad, and it would compound

One of the reasons why I can stay so positive today is because I noticed that Lance never really took anything personally, from the comments that were thrown at him, to the anger I would dish out at him. He was forgiving, not to benefit others, but to let the weight of his mind, that is why you should too.

If you were sensitive like me, here's a tool for you, and it's called the bullsh*t method. The bullsh*t method is something I made in my mind, because I had growing up in my childhood made me a people pleaser, and I would always try to do things that would be to please others, so if they are not pleased, and if I received a comment that I thought to be negative, I would take it that way. I got so fed up with it that I went to see what I can come up with to remove that in my mind hence the Bullsh*t Method:

Ask yourself this (if you were sensitive like me), would you catch sh*t from a bull? or a Cow?

(if you said yes, I don't think this blog itself is the solution for you lol)

If you said no, then why do you keep taking things personally from people who don't truly know you? Only you know yourself so, when you take words personally you are essentially taking sh*t from someone who essentially is as different from your self as a whole (meaning you are you, and they are someone else. They do not make you, you).

So the next time you catch yourself being offended by a comment coming from someone else remember that you are catching bullsh*t and you need to drop it and walk away.

#2: Everyone was dealt a 'bad' hand

Gonna get a little personal and I hope he doesn't kill me for this but,

Me: Was not able to able to enjoy my childhood with my dad.

Lance: During this whole story, Lance's father (he is my half-brother, but to me he has the same blood) was not there for him.

Before my mom had brought my older brother and I here from the Philippines, w/ the help of my other parent figures (my aunt & uncle, who are the ones in my family who everyone looked up to), she was with Lance's biological dad who was abusive to my mom. She was putting up with it until we got here and she kicked him out.

Lance's dad had gone back to the Philippines and while we were growing up here in the states, we received a call a couple years later from when that happened in 2009, that he had passed from a random head injury. Lance had cried with my mom, in her room, and a few moments later while they were on a call with my aunt & uncle, who had helped raised Lance, Lance had said, 'it's okay mom I still have Tito Jeff' (tito in tagalog means Uncle)

From that remembering that in my self-reflection, I had changed my focus from 'the world dealt me a bad hand' to 'everyone is dealt a bad hand, so why do I selfishly think that I am the only one?'

Everyone is deal a bad hand, you are not alone but, if you want to have & develop a positive mindset, You take Ownership and Change Your Focus from Yourself to Everyone Else. That does not mean you have to be selfless but that you have to be compassionate because everyone is dealing with something that had hurt them too and when you do that, when you focus on everyone else and their problems, you open yourself up to a Better life:

• Want an Amazing Business that could potentially make you more money than what to do with? (Solve other people's problems)

• Want Amazing Relationships? Solve their problems( Giving more than taking )

• Want to Advance your career at work? (Solve your manager's problems)

• Want to make more Sales as a Salesman? (Focus on Solving OTHER people's problems)

It all has to do with others, not what you can take, but what you can give, to live the best life possible and to do that,

you have to accept that you are not the only one, Everyone is dealt problems, what are you going to do about it, moan and whine about yours, or ask yourself how can I make a difference instead so that others wouldn't have to go through what you went through?

Lastly, (thank you for making it this far, I know it's a lot, just trying to make sure you can take my life lessons in this short amount of time. I want to change your life for the better.)

#3: "You don't experience life, you experience the part of life that you focus on." - Tony Robbins

"Focus = Feeling" - also Tony Robbins

Think about about it.

Think about the times that made you the most angry or sad.

Now think about the times that made you the Most Happiest.

Have you noticed that when you were thinking about the times you were most angry or sad, you felt it as a physical response in your body?

Have you noticed that when you were focusing & thinking about the thing that made you happy, You Felt it as if you were reliving the moment?

While I spent my time focusing on the 'bad' things that had 'only' happened to me,

Lance on the other hand focused on the things that weren't wrong but, what was right!

Going to roughly quote Tony Robbins here because he helped change my life, and he delivered things so well that it stuck with me but, this is what he had said:

The things that are wrong are always available,

but so is what is right ✅

The difference between Lance and I back then is that I had always focused on what is wrong, while he focused on what was right.

What would help you more along your journey during times of challenges, always feeling like sh*t, and tackling problems with that weight?

Or would you rather tackle problems Without the Weight on your back, and be able to see the opportunities that you would only see, if you focused on good things, the possibilities.

I am proof that it can be done, and so are many others, such as Tony Robbins, Oprah, Mother Teresa, the Pope, who have truly mastered a positive mindset and countless hundreds of millions more. There is a Pattern in all the Positive & successful people, and you CAN just be like them, you just have to start. It's a habit, a muscle, you develop.

Change your focus and you will change your life.

Focus on the good things, and what is right so that you can move much quicker forward to where you dream to be.

Share this with the people who may need it in your life if it has helped you

Thank you for reading my friend - M.Y.